So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
