Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ok first of all what the fuck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
