that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
