I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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