it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
