you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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