I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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