my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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