I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize