I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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