hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
