ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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