I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
