so explain again why im purple
no
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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