she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
