I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
