dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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