And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
