wakey wakey hands off snakey
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
