Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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