Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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