ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
