My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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