my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
