We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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