I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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