I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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