there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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