Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
