I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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