I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize