We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
