i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
