i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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