So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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