Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
