....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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