Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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