he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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