Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
