Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize