your parents love me but you hate me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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