Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
