The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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