I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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