after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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