need another drink. this is the easiest way
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
