i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
