I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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