Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
