So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
