My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
