Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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