My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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