Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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