sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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