He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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