My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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