Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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