I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
